“How many times have I told you to put down your phone?” As a parent, I have had those moments too. The child is engrossed in the screen, while the adult grows increasingly impatient. Sometimes, I just want to take the phone away so we can stop arguing about it every day.
But children will, after all, grow up in a world where technology is everywhere. Rather than simply trying to keep them away from the internet, we need to teach them how to protect themselves in the digital world and use technology well.
Of course, this does not mean letting children spend as long as they like on their phones. If phone use affects sleep and exercise, or crowds out time with friends and family, adults should step in. But screen time alone does not tell us enough about how a child is doing. We could start by listening to their views, then discuss boundaries together.
My family is also figuring out how to make good use of technology. My son watches online videos to learn video editing, then applies those skills to videos for school activities and social media. My husband has also written a simple scheduling programme to help our son plan his day better. Still, we need to pay attention: is our child thinking and learning new skills, or leaving tools to do the thinking he should be doing himself?
Children notice how we use technology too. If I keep checking my phone during meals, I have little ground to insist that my child put his away. I do not always manage it; setting an example is something I, too, need to keep practising.
It is best not to wait until both sides are angry before discussing rules. I prefer to find a calm moment to talk to my child: to ask what he has been watching or playing lately, what makes him happy and what troubles him. If he encounters someone suspicious or comes across inappropriate content online, does he know what he can do? These conversations can be the starting point for setting age-appropriate rules and boundaries. When children are young, we guide them more closely and spend more time alongside them. As they grow older, we gradually give them more opportunities to exercise judgement and make choices.
I often wonder: if my child sees something disturbing online, or makes a mistake and gets into trouble, will he dare to tell me? Adults will naturally be anxious when they hear about such things, but our first words can determine whether a child is willing to speak up next time. We should first listen calmly. That does not mean letting the matter drop: problems still need to be addressed, and consequences still have to be faced.
As parents, we do not have to master every new platform before we can begin guiding our children. We can stay curious, set reasonable boundaries and keep communication open. At the very least, our children will know that when they encounter difficulties, someone at home is willing to listen and help them work out what to do, rather than leaving them to face things alone.
