How can fatal child abuse be prevented? Experts call for lower barriers to seeking help

Two recent fatal child abuse cases in Singapore have sparked widespread discussion. A young couple were sentenced to jail on 21 October for the prolonged abuse that killed their eight-month-old son Trevor Neo Yu Hin. In another case, a mother and her boyfriend have been sentenced for abusing four-year-old Megan Khung Yu Wai to death and burning her body.

The case against a friend of the mother, who allegedly helped dispose of the body, is still being heard.

The 2026 Domestic Violence Trends Report, released by the Ministry of Social and Family Development on Thursday (29 October), also showed that low- and moderate-risk child abuse cases had risen for three consecutive years, from 2,128 in 2023 to 2,373 the year before last and 2,476 last year.

By the time details of fatal child abuse emerge in court, tragedy has already struck. The loss of young lives also prompts society to reflect: why does a home, which should be a child's safe haven, become a place of harm? What risk factors lie behind the violence? And what psychological and practical pressures can cause caregivers to lose control?

Experts interviewed said parenting demands, family relationships, mental health issues and a lack of support can all undermine caregivers' ability to cope with stress. Preventing such tragedies requires not only practical assistance, but also early identification of risks and lower barriers to seeking help.

Caring for young children is physically and mentally demanding. Jeremy Ang, a lecturer in psychology at the Singapore University of Social Sciences and clinic manager of Action Potential, said extreme behaviour by parents is often linked to a combination of pressures, including financial hardship, relationship conflicts and heavy caregiving responsibilities.

The risks also escalate when parents struggle to regulate their emotions or see violence as a form of discipline.

In Neo's case, the couple had hired a babysitter for weekdays and had help from older family members at weekends, yet tragedy still struck.

But Ooi Sze Jin, founder and clinical psychologist at mental health and counselling organisation A Kind Place, said having people around to help does not necessarily mean parents feel supported. Hiring help may also ease exhaustion while adding to financial pressures.

Ang added that preventing violence requires more than material assistance. Parents also need help to regulate their emotions, set realistic expectations and strengthen their support networks. “Where violence has occurred or is escalating, the child’s immediate safety must come first.”

Barriers to seeking help are another major obstacle. Ang observed that many parents see asking for help as an admission of failure. Shame, fear of judgement and even worries about losing control over how they raise their children can make it difficult for them to seek help, even when they are struggling.

Ooi added that society should not assume parents with postnatal depression do not love their children. Instead, they should receive support and help to seek treatment. However, no amount of stress can excuse violence against a child.

Gladys Hu, a psychotherapist at Safe Expanse, said friends and relatives sometimes fail to notice parents' emotional distress because they worry about interfering too much. Hu believes society should foster an accepting environment where parents can speak openly about their difficulties and seek help without fear of judgement.

New parents will inevitably feel tired. But if negative emotions keep intensifying, or even affect their ability to care for themselves or their children, they should seek professional help promptly.

Hu warned that even a fleeting thought of harming a child must be taken seriously and assessed promptly, to prevent emotional distress from developing into a serious crisis.

Jeremy Heng, principal clinical psychologist at Thriving Families @ Children’s Society, said warning signs that parents are nearing breaking point include persistently high levels of tension, extreme exhaustion, or an inability to relax even after their child has stopped crying.

As psychological exhaustion worsens, parents may develop distorted perceptions, even interpreting an infant's physical needs as “deliberately antagonising them”, which can trigger harmful reactions.

Heng stressed that parents who sense they are about to lose control must put their baby's safety first: place the baby safely on their back in a cot, then leave the room briefly to calm down before asking someone for help.

Preventing tragedies involving children cannot be left to families alone. Friends, relatives and community networks are equally important.

Tan Bee Joo, senior director and group lead of family services at Singapore Children’s Society, suggested that support can begin with everyday actions, such as checking in regularly, sharing household chores or looking after a child briefly to give exhausted caregivers a break. Listening and emotional support are just as important.

Tan said children are not only family members but also part of the community. Taking the initiative to show concern is not “meddling”, and timely support from neighbours can often avert a crisis at a critical moment.

The experts interviewed stressed that there is no single right way to parent. When faced with setbacks, parents need not demand perfection of themselves. What matters is recognising their limits and being willing to ask for help. Only by looking after themselves can they better protect their children.

Anyone with concerns involving violence or children's safety can call the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline on 1800-777-0000. Those experiencing emotional distress can call the national mental health helpline on 1771, send a text message to 6669 1771 or visit mindline.sg.